Nuptial knot - A filial obligation ??

Back from a long weekend and as I hit the sack in an attempt to sleep, I knew I had enough to blog based on what I came across over these past four days.

My Uncle and his family had come on a trip to Blr and Mys and I was pleased a punch to accompany them to various places..It was a fun filled trip in Mys after which we reached Blr...Mys trip blogging laterz...

It's such a strange thing that in Hindu families, to have contacts with someone beyond the immediate paternal and maternal relations seems almost impossible...
For someone who has seen second cousins and distant relatives only in Marriages and other functions, this was a rather new experience. My uncle insisted on meeting a few of his cousins here in Bangalore and what followed was quite dramatic...

Due to lack of acquaintance, I was initially very much reluctant to go to their houses, but finally decided to accompany them...Thought I ll make them feel happy that Jana's son dropped in to visit them and thereby also make my dad proud :-).. That brings me to this very interesting topic on how I get introduced to long lost relatives at marriages...The introduction has always been with My Mom or dad as reference...Charu's son/ Janardanan's son...For some reason, I hav always been introducing myself as Charu s son on most occassions, not coz I hate my dad, but Coz there s a stronger affinity with Mom...

The first thoughts to flash in my mind on talking to those second cousins and my Dad's cousins were definitely related to how iyengarish were these iyengar folks of mine. I could definitely see a big difference in their approach to life from how it is in my immediate family and relatives. I could spot broad mindedness in terms of tolerance to love marriages in almost everyone..My sis funnily remarked them to have a small national integration built in their families. All that seems ridiculous and uniyengarish to my uncle, aunt and my sis. I am not sure why I am not able to see them as anything bad..

My views over these past few years have gone through a lot of transitions(may be for the good) and I reckon I am far more broad minded than what I was a few years back...

My family as a whole takes so much pride in claiming that Children and grandchildren of my late grand father shall never attempt to do anything that would be against the wishes of the family and in anyway be detrimental to the good reputation that the family enjoys in the society..All that is fine.But, is marrying someone of my choice such a big crime ? Would I lose the liberty of claiming to hail from this family just on account of marrying some one of my choice ?? How can someone who s loved the family as much as I have, be outcast if I were to marry a Woman I may love ?

These are intriguing questions that have haunted me for years and despite some open discussions with the family, I never ever managed to find a solution to this problem. That I came across a phenomenal difference in the approach of my second cousins has probably rekindled this entire debate within myself to a degree that I decided to vent my queries in the form of a blog.

I am as devoted to the lord as much as any other Iyengar, even if not as religious as a few.

I am as much an iyengar as anyone else, even if not as conservative as a few.

I am as much a vegetarian and teetotaller as any other pristine iyengar, even if I consume cakes.

I have a cross thread unlike most of my second cousins who had long back lost their faith in being what they are..

Society is such a strange word these days..Families are more obsessed about pleasing the society than getting their children married. As much as they hate the society they live in, they also pay more attention to it than what is required. Everytime, I bring up this discussion with My Mom seeking a rationale behind their stand, they dont say anything but this "The society is gonna hold the family with huge disregard if someone from the family were to anything that s unethical by caste and religion".

They make what is probably a society for the third person.. This is the truth. But, They only seem to think of a society that constitutes other people. They often forget that they are an integral part of it and have as much liberty and freedom to define their own boundaries. Some one who sets up to do something uncommon may as well be looked upon by the society as unethical, but the bottomline is that the very person will be seen by the future as someone who set a precedence. A precedence that may be looked upon as a classical example of social liberation.

Conservative living is like a capsule that we only bother to consume, not bothering to know what are the ingredients. The only difference is that while a capsule more often than not has a positive effect on the body, this capsule called conservativeness is a slow poison and a self inflicted incurable disease...

This apart, there s something that s always common in almost every family reunion. A discussion on the nuptial guys and gals in the family as little bit of match making goes on..It was no different past weekend when My second cousin was interested in knowing from my Aunty if I would be ready for marriage and was bent upon getting me into a nuptial knot with his maternal uncle's daughter. He was supporting his stand suggesting that well settled guys are getting married early these days and it would not be a bad time for me to get married...It s not the first time that this girl s name has been taken by my distant relatives as a prospective alliance for me. This time though, My Aunt seemed to show some interest in it and was asking if they would wait for a few more years.. It baffled me and through me off guard.. It s not even taking hours to decide upon marriages these days..I was clear on my stand of having no idea of even thinking about a marriage in the near future. Uff, I have already grown sick of the whole concept of horoscopes, match making etc etc and the days ahead are probably gonne be tougher as I grow old :-)